Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

Columns

October 18, 2012

FROM THE VALLEY: I'm a nobody - and I approve this message

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — Every now and then, I call on a friend of mine just to chit-chat. It’s someone whom I consider a confidante and go-to advisor – someone I can (usually) count on for sage advice when I need it. This is an account of our most recent conversation.

“Maggie,” I yelled, out the window, “can you come in here? I’ve got to talk to you.”

She turned her head and looked my way — I could tell she was annoyed. “I’m really kind of busy here …” she said, letting her voice trail off in an obvious attempt at getting me to stop bothering her. But that wasn’t going to happen.

“Come on,” I half begged, half commanded, “I’ve got a new box of Milk-Bones .... and besides, I’ve told you a million times you’re not going to catch that squirrel. So quit barking, get your front paws off the tree and come inside.”

“Milk-Bones! Well, that’s a start.” she yipped, suddenly showing interest. “What size are the biscuits?”

“Your favorite ... medium!” Bribery is a game-changer in the animal kingdom.

“What’s up?” she barked, as she raced toward the house only to slam on the brakes and abruptly start scratching her ear like a bat had just flown into it.

Ignoring her plight, I asked, “Do you remember that song ‘Is That All There Is?’ by Peggy Lee?”

“Oh sure! All dogs have a vast record collection” she smirked, as she finally sauntered in, tracking enough mud to plant corn. “I’ve also got a closetful of 8-tracks. I’m being sarcastic. Not a clue as to what you’re talking about.”

“You see,” I explained, while offering her a treat, “it’s a song about a girl being unimpressed with anything that life has to offer.” Maggie took the biscuit, set it gently on the floor and looked up at me.

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