Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — “You’re serious? You called me in here just to tell me that?”
“It’s the presidential election. I can’t seem to get excited about either candidate. It’s like that song. ‘Is that all there is?’ What’s your take?”
“Well, to be honest,” Maggie confessed, “I’ve not followed it much. The political arena is something I try to stay clear of. But as long as you mentioned it, what’s up with this baseball-glove guy?”
“Baseball-glove guy? Are you talking about Mitt ... Mitt Romney? His name is Mitt, Maggie. He’s not a baseball glove. It’s just his name. Got it?”
“He’s a Mitt, fine, I got it,” Maggie claimed, “but I prefer someone with a more common, good old-fashioned name. Something I’m familiar with. I know it’s shallow, but that’s the way I roll. What’s the other guy’s name?”
“Barack,” I said, realizing this wasn’t going anywhere now.
“Ah, and that’s why the song ‘Is That All There Is?’ ”
Maggie continued, “Here’s what I can tell you: you need to find a candidate who will create a loophole-ranger. Someone who can eliminate the all-too common practice of abusing the system. Such as people who are rewarded for sloth - they stand in line for government handouts but won’t bother to line up for employment. This sense of entitlement has to end.”
“That’s your advice?” I asked.
“Well, it’s a start.”
Maggie was right ... (here it comes) … and I have to ad-Mitt it.
For now, that’s the way it looks from the Valley.Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.