Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

October 10, 2013

VALLEY: Elvis is in the building. Sort of ...

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — Today’s article deals with an assortment of things that have caught my eye. They are simply items/topics that I, as chief judge of what should appear in this space, deemed worthy of putting down on paper for you to see.

(Well … ‘chief judge’ ... that’s after the publisher, editor, my wife and the paperboy) .

And so without further ado — or, as I like to say, for no particular reason: Talk to me, Elvis.

(No idea what it means. Or why I say it.) 

I was watching a New England Patriots game a couple of weeks ago and the announcers were talking about Coach Bill Belichick. They raved about his ability to bring in players who were regarded as disruptive in the past and how he (Belichick) brought out the best in them. He had the ability to change their attitudes and make them toe the company line as good teammates. 

“He (Belichick) sure has a way getting them on the same page and keeping them out of trouble” was the gist of one comment, which both announcers agreed upon.

Apparently, tight end Aaron Hernandez’s murder charges aren’t disruptive enough to qualify as getting into trouble. If homicide is a change for the good and bringing out the best in someone, what the hell was this guy like before he joined the team? The local authorities, however, made sure he was “on the same page” by throwing the book at him. Talk to me, Elvis!

Next: Why is it every time you need a Band-Aid, the only ones left in the box are those dime-sized stupid little round ones? Or the ones so small they couldn’t possibly cover anything serious enough to necessitate a Band-Aid in the first place?  

Do we really need that many circular, butterfly-shaped and quarter-inch baby bandages in there with the real ones? Not to mention that the adhesive life-span (sticking and holding power) of those third-string pretenders is less than a minute. And seriously, how big a wuss are you, if your injury is such that something the size of a thumbtack will cover it? Talk to me, Elvis!

Next: How long is a moment – as in “one moment, please?” When you hit 50, 60 and 70 years old, you become much more conscious of time. Could we get a little more specific here with how long you want me to wait – if you don’t mind!? I’ve got important things on my agenda, like a nap to attend to. Talk to me, Elvis. 

Next: While scrolling through the cable TV menu, seeing what was on, I wondered how bored one has to be to watch a replay of the 1994 NBA draft. If watching it live 19 years ago doesn’t qualify you as borderline loser, watching it two decades later … well, I won’t go there. Go ahead, talk to me, Elvis. 

Next: Remember the old variety programs on television that showcased the hottest and best talent of the day? What happened? Why has it been reduced to watching wannabe flunkies audition in futile attempts to make the big time? Admittedly, some are good, but overall, programs have downgraded the entertainment level by replacing the best performers with amateurs. Amateurs whose only ability to entertain us is, sadly, the voyeuristic exhibition we are presented with, exposing their inadequacies and lack of enough talent, ironically, to perform in front of a national TV audience in the first place. Talk to me, Elvis.

Elvis has now left the building.

“Thank you very much.”

And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. Contact him at tvalley@rochester.rr.com.