Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — But I have to be honest and disclose that I’ve been thinking about both predicaments since they arose three weeks ago (when I came here the first time).
I had to call my wife – back in Medina – and tell her just how smart her husband was.
“Hello, Kath, yeah, it’s me. Guess what? I was finally right for once in my life! Woo-hoo! I was absolutely correct about those issues with the water pump and the septic tank.”
“You fixed them?” came her animated and surprised reaction.
“Fixed them? Heck, no! But remember I said I’ll never be able to figure out what the hell’s wrong with ‘em? And that I’d probably have to call your brother, Bill, over to figure it out? Well … I was right! That’s exactly what I did. I had no idea what to do ... so, I called him. Can you believe it? Just like I said. C’est moi was right … finally!”
“Aren’t you proud of me?! I called Tiny (Bill’s nickname) and he figured it out. Now I can go golfing with MY brothers, Tim, Mike and Tim’s pal, Bruce, the mad Canadian.” (Bruce is the only Canadian that Canada refuses to recognize as one of its own. Maybe that’s why he’s mad.)
“Hang on there a minute, Mr. Fix-it,” my wife chimed in. “Before you go and end this column – I know you’re writing everything down as I speak — how’d Bill fix the water-pump?”
“Oh … he pulled a white sheet over that old hunk of crap, whispered a small prayer and told me to ‘go buy another one’. And the new one didn’t come cheap – but at least, it’s up and running.”
Case closed … for now, at least.
Seriously, it’s a good feeling to be able to – finally — flush ALL of my problems down the drain. Flush the problems: yes; a thousand dollars: not as easy.
And for now, that’s the way it looks from the Valley (Labor Camp).Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Contact him at email@example.com.