Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

January 31, 2013

FROM THE VALLEY: I get it but I don't know why or how

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — I started getting a new magazine in the mail a couple of weeks ago. It was somewhat of a surprise. Neither my wife nor I know if it’s a trial subscription — sent to us (for free) — or if one of us had forgotten and, indeed, subscribed to it.

(I’ll not resort to an insensitive joke about the periodical being a senior health-magazine on Alzheimer’s, because there are those politically-correct readers out there whose life’s work is to remind me when I’m being a jerk. Little do they know, that job’s taken – I’m married.)

I found some interesting pieces of (real) news in that magazine (’that’ magazine being: “The Week”).

There was an article about a 400 lb. woman who had crashed through a New York City sidewalk. Apparently, she’d been told that because of her … well … girth, she escaped serious injury. It had cushioned her fall — the extra padding came in handy.

“They said that my size was the only thing that saved me,” so said Ulanda Williams, gravity’s favorite-type-of victim.

In a “What came first: the chicken or the egg?” conundrum, the question begs to be asked (don’t get ahead of me here, it’s my column): Would she have fallen through the sidewalk, in the first place, if she hadn’t been quite so large? (H-m-m-m, all of those broken New Years’ resolutions … did it pay off or cause her literal downfall?)

Moving on. Same magazine, different issue, weird story: In Florida, a couple were on vacation – 200 miles away from home — when their cat, Holly, disappeared. They did a cat-scan and found nothing. (Thank you.)

Two weeks after returning home – without their beloved pet — guess who showed up at their door? Yes! A couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses. But that’s beside the point – the very next day, their lost cat was found in the neighborhood.

Other than the fact that Holly had lost some weight (seven pounds or so) and had bleeding paws, owners Jacob and Bonnie Richter of West Palm Beach were absolutely delighted to have their little pal back.

No one – including scientists — could explain why or how this happened.

But I’m not surprised. The same thing happened to me about forty years ago when my wife and I moved here from northern NY State – 250 miles away.

When I was a kid growing up in Ogdensburg, we had a family dog named Sandy. And many years later, after we settled in WNY, I heard a dog barking outside our family home in Medina. I looked out the window and couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Sandy.

But unlike Holly, the cat, Sandy had gained weight — about 75 pounds. And … she was no longer the same breed of dog.

But what was even more weird ... I thought, for sure, that when that train ran over her in ‘59, she had died.

I doubt if scientists could explain that one, either.

And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Contact him at tvalley@rochester.rr.com.