Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

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September 19, 2012

My old football injury

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — I can tell that the weather is changing because my sinuses are going nuts. One minute I cannot breathe, and then the next minute I can take deep breaths without any problem. I wish I had the ability to tune in the rest of my body like that. It would be helpful if my big toe would twitch each time the drive-thru is going to get my order wrong, or if my elbow would ache every time someone was just about to dive into the checkout line in front of me and then act like they never even saw me.

I guess that anyone could say that it would be easier to deal with things if we were just given some kind of warning, but that is not always the way that life is. Take this whole December 21, 2012 thing for instance. There are a lot of people getting really worked up about this. All kinds of people, and not just religious groups, are getting geared up for what they believe is the end of the world.

Why do we always assume that people we can no longer talk to know more than we do? There are no ancient Mayans to talk to anymore, so we just assume that their calendar is accurate at predicting the end of the world and that the Mayans were super intelligent. What if they were idiots? What if they had man caves, Sunday sports blow outs and demolition derbies with ancient carts, or something?

What if the guy making the calendar got to December 21, 2012, and then his kids broke something in the next room? He spent hours getting the whole thing straightened out and then another couple of days trying to get his wife to believe that he didn't do it.

It seems as though our Mayan time specialist had a habit of blaming broken things on the kids, and the wife just wasn't having it anymore. He and his wife fought for days about it until he just decided to leave. A few months later, she was packing up his stuff and she just threw that stupid, unfinished calendar in the trash. The next thing you know, modern man is going crazy over this calendar.

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