Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

Columns

September 19, 2012

My old football injury

(Continued)

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — What? It could happen. I guess my point is that I can usually sense when something pretty horrible is going to happen. I'm no prophet. I just get these feelings when something awful is on the horizon. It's the reason I voted for Ross Perot. I knew that Clinton fella was going to be problems.

Can you imagine how horrible things would be right now if Perot had won the 1992 election? There would be a special detail of the Secret Service dedicated to making sure no space aliens landed on the White House lawns. All of the doors would have to be re-fitted with half-doors. Yeah, I know. I'm doing 20 year old Ross Perot jokes. They aren't even good ones either.

I just cannot shake this "end of the world" thing. What if the Mayans were right? The only other alternative is that the Mayans were so smart that they knew that a calendar that ends on December 21, 2012 would drive everyone in the future nuts. An advanced society that plays practical jokes on people that would not be born for almost 2,000 years is one that should be taken seriously.

Here is something else to ponder. What if the Mayans knew the end of the world was coming, but took the joke one step further? What if the Mayans knew the end of the world was coming on December 22, 2012 and sent us this December 21st calendar on purpose?

It would be just like the Wile E. Coyote cartoons where the fuse burns all the way down to the stick of dynamite, but the dynamite doesn't blow up. Just when Wile E. Coyote gets over to the dynamite to check it out, it blows up in his face. We will all be bracing for the end of the world on December 21, 2012, but nothing will happen. When we all crawl out of our bomb shelters to see what is going on, the whole thing blows up.

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