Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

Columns

June 13, 2013

FROM THE VALLEY: It was something somebody said

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — Several years back, my brother-in-law, Joe, joined my friend, Ralph and me in a round of golf. At the time, Joe was new to the sport and had just ‘duffed’ his tee shot. I suggested that he try keeping his head down. Joe looked at me and laughingly said, “If I do that I won’t see it when I hit a good one.”

My buddy, Ralph, never broke stride as he got into the cart and fired back, “You won’t see one if you look up, either.”

I love off-the-cuff remarks like that.

One of my favorite TV shows was the sit-com “Cheers.” In one episode, Diane, the pseudo-intelligent, condescending barmaid walked around all day with a pencil and a pad of paper trying to document witty ad-libs. Sam, the bartender, tried in vain to say something noteworthy so that Diane would take notice and include it in her collection. Unfortunately, his forced efforts failed to make the slightest blip on her radar screen.

Coincidentally, I remember sitting in a local gin-mill one day having a friendly discussion with J.C. - a long-time friend. A guy swaggered in and plopped down beside beside us. For the sake of this anecdote, you need to know that this guy was somewhat height-challenged at about 5 foot 4 – at best. (Nothing wrong with that, I’m just saying..)

He proceeded to interrupt us with his alcohol-fueled bantering. Not once or twice, but enough to be obnoxiously annoying. We tried to ignore him but that didn’t work. He then made a comment about my weight gain. I replied, “Well, it looks like you’ve put on a few pounds, too.” (Great comeback, huh!?)

Ratcheting his offensiveness up, he responded with, “Oh yeah?! Well at least, I can still see my feet.”

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