Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

Columns

December 13, 2012

FROM THE VALLEY: It's hard to believe it's December already

(Continued)

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — “Don’t you feel well?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“I see that you had the thermometer out. I was just wondering what’s up.”

“Oh! I’m all right, it’s the dog, Maggie. She was acting a little sluggish – I thought maybe she was sick. By the way, Kath, what’s a dog’s temperature supposed to be? Do you know?”

“Are you crazy!? You took the dog’s temperature with that? You expect me to use it after she slobbered all over the thing?”

“Oh relax!” I explained, “I didn’t stick it in her mouth.”

Things really started to go downhill after that. She was about as happy as my parents the day I told them I was quitting college to become a juggler. (I have this thing for bowling pins.)

I tried to change the subject and make her forget about my faux-pas — I asked her what she wanted for Christmas. Maybe by suggesting something she’d like, I could get her on a happier track – and make her flash that I-forgive-you smile. But, I should have known better. Guys, heed these words of warning: NEVER, EVER, say to your wife: I’ll bet you could use a cookbook.

“I’ll bet you could use a cookbook.” What am I? Nuts?

Well, at least I know what I can get Maggie for Christmas. I’ll get her one of those day-to-day calendars and put it in her doghouse. That way, I’ll be able to use it, too.

And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Text Only
Columns
Featured Ads
Photos


Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter
Front page
AP Video
Disabled Veterans Memorial Nearing Completion Last Mass Lynching in U.S. Remains Unsolved Home-sharing Programs Help Seniors Ex-NYC Mayor: US Should Allow Flights to Israel Clinton: "AIDS-Free Generation Within Our Reach" Judge Ponders Overturning Colo. Gay Marriage Ban Airlines Halt Travel to Israel Amid Violence NYPD Chief Calls for 'use of Force' Retraining VA Nominee McDonald Goes Before Congress Bush: Don't Worry, Sugarland Isn't Breaking Up US Official: Most Migrant Children to Be Removed Police Probing Brooklyn Bridge Flag Switch CDC Head Concerned About a Post-antibiotic Era Raw: First Lady Says `Drink Up' More Water Courts Conflicted Over Healthcare Law Holder Urges Bipartisanship on Immigration Raw: Truck, Train Crash Leads to Fireball US Airlines Cancel Israel Flights Obama Signs Workforce Training Law Crash Victims' Remains Reach Ukraine-held City
Seasonal Content
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
AP Video
Disabled Veterans Memorial Nearing Completion Last Mass Lynching in U.S. Remains Unsolved Home-sharing Programs Help Seniors Ex-NYC Mayor: US Should Allow Flights to Israel Clinton: "AIDS-Free Generation Within Our Reach" Judge Ponders Overturning Colo. Gay Marriage Ban Airlines Halt Travel to Israel Amid Violence NYPD Chief Calls for 'use of Force' Retraining VA Nominee McDonald Goes Before Congress Bush: Don't Worry, Sugarland Isn't Breaking Up US Official: Most Migrant Children to Be Removed Police Probing Brooklyn Bridge Flag Switch CDC Head Concerned About a Post-antibiotic Era Raw: First Lady Says `Drink Up' More Water Courts Conflicted Over Healthcare Law Holder Urges Bipartisanship on Immigration Raw: Truck, Train Crash Leads to Fireball US Airlines Cancel Israel Flights Obama Signs Workforce Training Law Crash Victims' Remains Reach Ukraine-held City
Seasonal Content
Helium debate
Helium
Section Teases

Seasonal Content
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.