Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

October 3, 2013

VALLEY: Lights out on another weekend project

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Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — I decided to take on a project last weekend. I don’t mind doing such if some form of carpentry is involved. I like to design and build unique items — something that is tailor-made to whatever the situation calls for. I call it carpentrating. 

I have my own little shop in a separate (from the house) building out back. 

Originally, this building was supposed to be a shed. It was intended to house the lawnmower, garden tools and an assortment of space-hogging items which my wife refuses to throw out. Refuses because “we might need them sometime.” (Like a croquet set with only half a mallet, 2 chipped wooden balls and 4 pieces of useless, twisted wickets.)

Kidding … somewhat. Nonetheless, my wife is the grounds-keeper of the household. And she’s good at it. She loves gardening and I never question her decisions about such matters … not out loud. The problem is, she always has poison ivy. Well, at least, it seems that way. She is so susceptible, I think she can catch it from Chia Pets. I feel bad for her. (And you didn’t think I had a heart.)

But as I started to say, I kind of took over her building by loading it up with my power tools. And as the Bible, Abraham Lincoln and Sid Bloomberg (a real-estate agent on the San Andreas Fault) noted “A house divided cannot stand.” Thus, the gardening stuff had to go.

But, actually, with my new shop in place, I was able to quickly build another small building for the yard stuff. (I did, however, have to re-build it several times — it’s just so hard to get good duct tape these days.)

So, back to my project. I decided to re-do my bedroom closet. Mind you: this was not my wife’s closet nor any other part of the house. To attempt doing some sort of task other than in my own little niche of the world would entail more compliance and approval than an act of congress. Passing federal legislation is a mere bag of shells compared to making a suggestion and getting the green light from my wife about doing something in any other area of the house. Apparently, she’s not fond of bent-over nails and gray tape. I’m not complain’ – I’m just explaining.

In the process of cleaning out my closet — and reaching deep into the abyss of yesteryear. I came across an enchanting Wayne Newton 8-track. I’ve been looking for it since 1976. Danke schoen for that! I also located my O.J. Simpson and the Electric Company T-shirt. Boy, could that guy cut.

My project entailed building a shelf system, first, (outside) in my shop and then bringing it inside to install on the closet wall. I did just that. But when I set in place, it completely covered and obliterated the ceiling light (I forgot to take that into consideration). Also, the door wouldn’t close because the top shelf stuck out too far. Other than that it looked great. Of course, you had to use a flashlight to see it.

My wife just stared at it with her mouth wide open. I think she was impressed. Maybe that’s because it was too dark to see the bent nails and tape.

Danke schoen for that.

That’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. Contact him at tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. Contact him at tvalley@rochester.rr.com.