By Deb Drinkwalter
Lockport Union-Sun & Journal
April 20, 2008 12:44 am
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“With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokie Pokey” died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
When a cousin sent me that e-mail I couldn’t help but laugh. My last column was downright glum. I focused on the harsh realities of life, death and taxes-UGH! But hey, they say laughter is the best medicine!
A few weeks ago, while listening to NPR in the car radio, they were discussing names to never give your children. Several funny names were read off. I can’t remember most of them. The funniest one I heard was Seymore Butts. I mentioned that to my daughter who told me they got that from the Simpsons. Bart would make prank phone calls to Moe’s Bar and ask for Seymore Butts and other wacky names. (I don’t how I missed it.)
I remember a friend of mine in high school used to think up names to give if people in our class were to have children. One guy’s last name was Case. My friend always thought if that guy ever had a boy, the child should be named Justin Case.
I had several jokes in my back pocket (saved in the computer) and decide a little levity was in order for today’s column. So, here are a few favorite:
A skeleton walks into a bar, the bartender asks “Wadda ya have?” The skeleton says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once — or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride a horse sidesaddle.
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
If you teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help “groups?”
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
An elderly couple was attending church services when about halfway through she leans over and says to him, “I just had a silent passing of gas. What do you think I should do?”
He leans over to her and replies “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
A diaper-wearing monkey named Prada chased after residents at a west Orlando apartment complex today before animal control workers tricked him into a cage with their secret weapon — a banana.
That’s all folks! Don’t forget to tip your carrier.
Deb Drinkwalter is a Lockport resident. Her column appears every Sunday. Send comments to d.drinkwalter@yahoo.com.
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