Published: May 13, 2008 05:31 pm            

ROOT: Old dog, new tricks

Life looks different from the other side of the fence. When you are 17 or 18 years old you think your parents are babbling when they try and pass on the wisdom of the world to you. Then when you get your first job you have no idea why your parents make such a big deal about you going off to work. Then you are put in the position of being that parent and it is almost like there is this unwritten playbook in place and you find yourself saying and doing the same exact things your parents did just 20 years earlier.

Being the parent of a boy growing into a man is an extremely eye opening experience. I know now why my mom said the things she said and did the things she did. In some cases she was trying to hold on to her memories of what I used to be when I was a boy. In other cases she was trying to protect me by passing on her experience. Well I never listened and I wound up learning things the hard way. In many cases it made me a better person. In other cases it just made me feel stupid to realize all these years later that all I had to do was listen to my mom and I would have been fine.

Luckily my boy does not choose to learn everything the hard way. He listens but he still makes teenage mistakes. That is okay though as I am not so far removed from my teenage years that I cannot detect when he is trying to put one over on me and his mother. Sometimes you have to stop your kids from doing dumb things to protect them and sometimes you have to let them do dumb things so they learn to never do it again. Now I know why my mom was always stressed out.

A couple of weeks ago I talked about women being more mature and adaptable than men. Men are truly like children in many respects and even though we are able to hold down jobs and fix cars we still have to learn some things the hard way. Even as I creep up on middle age I am still learning how to navigate this world which means my boy still has a lot to learn.

So what brought all of this on? A haircut. For years I loved to wear my hair down past my collar. I washed it and combed it regularly but the rock-n-roll refugee in me loved to have that long flowing hair. The long hair thing was all fine and dandy while I was in college and when I was in my early to mid-20s. When I hit my 30s I still clung to my individuality with the long hair but I could tell it was wearing out. I didn’t care then and I still don’t care now. But what I failed to realize is that people are constantly changing and going through phases. By the time I hit my 30s I really didn’t want the long hair to be a rebel, I wanted it because people were telling me to get it cut.

I have this huge “don’t tell me what to do” streak that will never go away and I will go to almost any length to maintain my individuality. My wife never complained about my hair. She was getting a lot of pressure from the “hair cutting” lobby to move me in that direction but she would not say anything. That was until I asked her. “Cut it” she said. She also requested that I shave the beard too. When the cleansing was done I felt great. I look older but I guess part of that whole thing was the acceptance of the fact that I am older now. The other thing was the steadfast way in which my wife never said anything until I asked her. It got me wondering what other points I have been missing lately.

Men are constantly going through phases. Without women to guide us we would never see how completely stupid we make ourselves look sometimes. A comb-over does not work. Shave it bald, that looks better. My wife would never tell me to grow up but she is certainly making sure that I don’t completely go over the deep end and try to be something I am not. It takes a lot to come to grips with growing older and it becomes even more difficult when you realize you are losing touch with your kids. In the end it is all part of growing up. It becomes easier when you realize that your kids are not the only people that are still growing up.

George N. Root III is a Lockport resident. His column runs every Wednesday. Send comments to georgeroot@verizon.net.

        

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