Published: September 28, 2009 08:25 pm      

WHITE-WALKER: When you have daughters ...

“You pray a lot,” confided an anxious father to me. “It’s an angry world and I wish I could shelter forever my sweet, peaches-and-cream little girls.”

He’s right, you know, until his daughters hit puberty and then wham! That sweetness sours, the peaches spoil, the cream curdles and that transformation is usually directed, yep, you got it, toward the mothers. Not the fathers, but is it because females are more competitive with one another? Are we both vying for the same man’s attention and affection? I once witnessed a dispute between a mother and daughter in a public ladies room (yes, you read it correctly) as the husband/father barged in and ranted, “Will you TWO knock it off?”

“How dare you put me on the same level as a child!” the wife/mother retorted. “I’m an adult, your wife, and don’t you forget that!” With that, he darted out the door, and she put the end of her thumb to the tip of her nose and wiggled all her fingers toward his direction. Wow, that was some display of maturity, huh?

Well, let me tell you, I never forgot it. I could understand her point about being the adult; I just expected a far more grown-up reaction.

But in some families there are daughters who are born adults, old souls with more sense than those two who conceived them. Their parents turn to them for input and the little things are nothing more than babies in a bassinet.

“Tell me, Tammy, do you think we should buy life insurance at $35 a month, or invest that money in a savings plan that compounds the interest annually?”

“Gee, Mommy, can you wait until I’m done with my bottle and you’re through burping me, and I’ll get back with you?”

OK, so my daughter wasn’t THAT young, but today she has her doctorate, and has always had a real head for numbers, even back then.

Looking back, little daughters are so adorable, but at birthday parties they tend to giggle like they’ve all swallowed a high-speed laugh track. Hey, who doesn’t believe that this somber society needs far more laughter, but it should be spread around, not restricted to one house where the acoustics are poor and giggles ricochet off the walls and settles in your eardrums?

I still feel terribly guilty remembering that one party, so very long ago, when I thought, “How could 20 little girls squeal and be giddy for hours and hours over nothing? And why did I just have the wax flushed out of my ears at the doctor’s office? Lousy timing.”

Oh, just to once again hear their real joy and witness such innocence, it serves me right that the giggles have moved on to other houses with smaller children, and to those lucky parents, savor, and keep your ear canals as clean as a surgeon’s scalpel.

But sometimes you need more than just wax to block out how some daughters can get a snippiness to their voices, and a flippant attitude that you want to punch. Mothers can easily be put on the defensive by worrying about what comes out of OUR mouths. Ha!

That was then, and this is now, and boy, ask me if I wouldn’t do things differently if I could go back? By my body language alone, and not by my big mouth, they would know that I’m the mother and they’re the daughter, and both roles should be respected but never reversed.

Some daughters leave their mothers emotionally and cling to their peers, but as they turn into women and gain insight into how much their mothers sacrificed for them out of great love, they gain a new appreciation for that someone they’d still rather not become. To all the darling daughters out there who have brought us mothers both heartfelt joy and heartaches, you’re in for a big surprise.

Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column runs every Tuesday. To read past columns, visit homegrownharvard.blogspot.com.