Lockport Union-Sun & Journal Online

Local News

December 12, 2013

FROM THE VALLEY: Uncle Tom's cabin fever

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — We aren’t that far into December and already I’m suffering from the effects of the winter-time blues. My golf clubs are sitting in the corner of my workshop just staring at me. I don’t know what to tell them. It doesn’t look good.

Fortunately, I did get out golfing a few times in November. But it was cold. And when the temperature drops, not only do I have to bundle up, but the ball doesn’t go very far. In my case, that’s a problem because I don’t hit it far to begin with. A friend of mine suggested that when it gets chilly, I should try putting my balls in the microwave first. He volunteered to show me how to do it.

I was ready to end our friendship and take up bowling until he explained what he was talking about. It wasn’t what I thought. I’m glad he cleared it up.

Elsewhere, my fishing pole is in the opposite end of the shop. I’m always amazed that if I come within 20 feet of it, no matter where it’s stored, I get snagged on a loose hook. Yet, I can sit in the boat seven days a week for 10 straight hours without ever catching a fish. Why a fish doesn’t get hung up, even by accident, defies all odds and ignores the rules of physics.

I catch nothing until I reel it in. And then, once the hook gets above the water, I’ll snag the anchor rope, the boat’s carpet, the dog’s ear, a cloud or whatever else there is within a quarter mile. I once set the record for puncturing the motor’s rubber gas line. “Pass the matches, so I can see where the leak is!”

Text Only
Local News