Published: September 22, 2008 09:55 am            

COLUMN: New Kids nostalgia misguided

If there were any musical justice in this world, we wouldn’t be subjected to this. But as we’ve all learned, the concept of musical justice is but a beautiful dream.

Therefore, New Kids on the Block are in the midst of a successful comeback.

It’s not so much the “comeback” part of the equation that’s surprising. The “kids” wanted cash, so they came back. I’m not so sure there’s much more to it than that. Maybe they’ve told some reporter somewhere that they “really missed making music together” or some tripe like that, but thoughtful readers will instantly take out the word “music” and insert “moolah.”

OK, so the New Kids are coming back. Fine. Everyone’s just going to ignore them, anyway — or so I thought. There couldn’t possibly be any genre of music with less staying power than boy band bubblegum pop.

Color me embarrassed — for society. The Kids’ new album, ingeniously titled “The Block,” debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard album charts. As it turns out, there is actually an audience for new music by the New Kids. About 95,000 people thought it would be a good idea to buy the group’s newest album. I’d have to sit down if I wasn’t already at my computer.

It could have been worse. If this were another week, the New Kids may have claimed the top spot. I never thought I’d ever write these words, but thank God for Young Jeezy.

The new album isn’t the end of the comeback, either. The New Kids are touring again. And they’re not playing county fairs. The tour kicks off tonight in Toronto’s Air Canada Centre, where the group will perform three times in the next four days.

There’s really only one viable explanation for this — more than a few female 20- or 30-somethings feel nostalgic. But in this case, these people should ignore their feelings.

What do these concert-goers think is going to happen? That they’ll show up at these concerts and actually connect with the music? Did “The Right Stuff” offer enough depth to resonate with these fans into adulthood?

Maybe they’ll have a good time. There certainly is a time and place for nostalgia. I can understand seeing a rock band you grew up loving. Sure, maybe both you and they have aged — they can’t hit the high notes, you can’t see your feet — but there still might be a few songs that mean something to you. Maybe it reminds you of your teenage years, and you really want to feel that.

But it’s depressing when there’s so much response to something so lightweight. It ends up being nostalgia for the sake of nostalgia. Just leave it in the past, along with your leg warmers and big hair. Some things don’t need to come back.

Even less understandable are the people buying this new album. At least at the concerts, you’re hearing the songs from your childhood. Why buy the new album? Are you curious to see how the group’s sound has evolved? Stick with a greatest hits compilation.

Sure, I’ve got my own memories of the New Kids on the Block, though most of them involved other people.

In first grade, my elementary school celebrated “New Kids on the Block day.” True story. A bunch of kids wore New Kids on the Block shirts. One of those kids was me. My mom bought me a New Kids shirt for the occasion, though I’m relatively sure it wasn’t my idea.

The only songs I liked back then were written by either Michael Jackson or Bruce Springsteen, thank you very much. Compared to most people, my early taste in music was pretty good. I like to think of it as a harbinger.

All I remember about that day was our school’s principal dancing with some girl to a New Kids song during lunch. It was a slow song, I think. Probably “Please Don’t Go Girl.”

My older cousin, Nicole, was obsessed with the group. I remember when she got a New Kids pay-per-view concert for her birthday. But I also remember being uninterested and checking out my aunt’s pantry shortly thereafter.

Now, I’m not saying the New Kids on the Block should be forgotten for all time. They existed. But let’s just leave it at that, unless we are prepared to make fun of them.

Everyone knows New Edition was better, anyway.

        

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