Published: September 03, 2008 04:16 pm            

COLUMN: A subtle difference between TV cliches

Football season just started, but I’ve already begun to prepare myself for the deluge of clichés I will endure from announcers this fall.

Clichés like, “That guy’s just a football player.” (The team would be in trouble if he was a figure skater or a rodeo clown.)

Or “They came to play.” (Good, because I’m not sitting here to watch guys put up drywall.)

And my new least-favorite sports announcer cliché, “He missed some time with a knee,” or “He missed some time with” any other body part, which, unlike the other clichés, is completely inaccurate. Players don’t lose playing time because of a knee or an ankle. Sprained knees and twisted ankles, yes. Knees and ankles, no.

Unless of course, they lose their other knee or ankle during a game. Then I suppose you can miss some time with a knee. One knee.

Though severe and chronic offenders they may be, football announcers aren’t the only cliché culprits on television.

A fair amount of success on television is rooted in catchphrases and their cousin, cliché-speak (I’m not even going to get into clichéd plotlines and characters ... we would be here forever). It’s one thing to hear Steve Urkel ask, “Did I do that?” But it’s another thing entirely to watch a program and hear any character utter, “There goes the neighborhood,” or “Oh no, you didn’t!” It’s enough to make you shudder.

Same goes with any studio audience or laughtrack going “Oooooh!” during a kiss. “Saved By The Bell” was especially good at this. If it is a laughtrack, do they use a separate “Ooooh”-track for those spicy moments?

Such an “Oooh!” now pops up in real life. You hear it mostly when teasing kids about their alleged crushes. Most of the time, it’s used with a sense of irony, but still. What came first — the TV “ooh” or the real “Oooh?” Art? Life? I don’t even know.

Now, reality television has its fair share of clichéd sayings, as well. The most common offense is “I’m not here to make friends,” which has been used on every competitive reality show. Such a comment is usually followed by, “I’m here to win.” Well, yeah.

There’s even a YouTube clip entitled “I’m Not Here to Make Friends!” It’s a montage of reality show contestants saying exactly that, over and over, for more than three minutes. Some people have remarked that reality television is scripted. That would be why these people would keep saying “I’m not here to make friends.”

I beg to differ. I’m guessing most people on reality shows have seen other reality shows. They’ve heard the “friends” statement, and it sounded like a reasonable explanation to them. It sounded like a good reason to justify their behavior — be it unruly, unfriendly or reclusive. I mean, how can you possibly win while making friends?

But before you start thinking about scripts and unoriginal characters, think about your own life. You’ve heard the same things from different people. It’s called small talk.

So the breakdown goes like this: Most clichés? Lazy. Reality TV clichés? Boring people.

And there are still no excuses for “He’s out with a knee.”

        

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