Published: August 27, 2008 03:10 pm            

VALLEY: Here’s the news and other stuff

I should get a manual that teaches me how to watch some of the cable-television news-programs that permeate the airwaves. I’m not sure how one goes about listening to the newscaster deliver the news, read headlines underneath him or her AND comprehend a running banner or script that is scrolled below all that at the same time. Not to mention, absorbing the letter that is being transcribed to the right of the newscaster as it’s being read aloud. Throw in the super-imposed weather forecast, temperature and the stations logo, a permanent fixture — lest you forget what station you’re watching (heaven forbid) — and you’ve got your work cut out for you.

Of course, there’s that all-important stock exchange news that zips by at a hundred and twenty miles-an-hour. You know, the one with symbols from Mars. But, I do realize that it’s important public information because some people have their money (or monies, if you’re a phony-baloney) invested in various stocks and bonds. But me? I’ve got most my money in my pants pocket and the rest is in the sofa, somewhere.

But another common occurrence in today’s cable-news programming is having the screen split up into various panels with people from different parts of the country and world, discussing a topic. They all end up talking at the same time and over each other, trying to get their points across.

And it doesn’t matter if you’re Republican or Democrat: Networks that favor the left and the right each have their own blowhards. Nothing is ever right because of the “right,” according to Keith Olbermann. Yet, he never seems to have or offer a suggestion as how to fix it. Bill O’Reilly, on the other hand, thinks everything is just peachy even though we’re at war in several parts of the world and gasoline prices have hovered at five dollars a gallon.

And not to get personal, but if Geraldo Rivera is the public’s crusading savior — as he claims to be — then why doesn’t he do the public a huge favor and take his hairy smug-mug off the air? If this clown thinks the public can’t see through his act and realize that he’s nothing more than a self-promoting shyster, he’s in for a rude awakening somewhere down the line.

At least the local stations haven’t gone to the extremes of the network-cable industry when it comes to the news. The tendency toward a more show-businessesque approach hasn’t reached the heights, or lows, in the local markets. That, unfortunately, is probably not because of a more dignified approach but due to the monetary issues involved with such productions.

My favorite on-the-air people are the weather folks. These people are in a tough spot; they have to predict the news in their field. None of that easy “Here’s what happened yesterday” crap that gives the regular newscasters a false sense of bravado from simply reading what’s already happened. Weather forecasters have to see into the future. Their credibility is on the line because they’re out on a limb.

One thing that bothers me with the weathermen, though, is that they seem to be having too much fun as they swing their arms all over that non-existent map behind them. It’s like they think they are pulling a fast one over us by pretending that the map is there; when, in reality, it’s a super-imposed gimmick of modern technology. Yes, it appears as though the map’s there but we’re fully aware that it’s just a blue screen behind them . We’re not idiots ... well, you’re not. I still don’t know the difference between “scattered” showers and “isolated” showers.

And what about the “Doppler” radar? Doppler’s fine but, why do they have to show us what the present weather is like? I’ve got my own “Doppler” — it’s called my window. All I have to do is peek outside. And it’s in high-definition! A little something I call: reality.

And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column runs every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

        

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