Lockport Union-Sun & Journal — A triumph of engineering involving thirty pipes, numerous tubes and four CO2 tanks, Bella is the perfect mix of excellence in mathematics and construction, the “bigger is better” ethos that we embraced when inventing the SUV, and the “Why do it? Because why not” attitude that has driven so much of generations X and Y.
In recent months Japan has made attempts to reach an American level of ridiculousness in product promotions with the 1,000 pieces of bacon burger I mentioned in a past article and more recently a one-price-fits all promotion on all sizes of McDonalds fries that has resulted in teens pooling their money to buy massive orders of fries. It’s great to see our friends overseas learning from our example, but they don’t have it quite right.
While they are taking things to America-esque extremes they’re forgetting what has always been at the heart of American industry: Providing a service you didn’t even know you needed. Need to whip a mass of fans into frenzy? Need to distribute Red Cross T-shirts to hundreds of recent hurricane victims as soon as possible? Big Bella. Prior to the BB t-shirt launcher the industry standard was a measly twenty shirts per minute maximum. In one fell swoop we took it five levels higher.
No matter who wins the elections next remember: the President didn’t invent the T-shirt cannon, America did, and we’re never more than a few tubes and CO2 tank away from being on top as a nation once again.Vincent Davis II is a Cornell graduate, DJ, and market development specialist in the IT industry. His column appears on the first and third Friday of every month. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org