Published: April 09, 2008 12:17 pm            

VALLEY: He was the egg man

Herb Peterson passed away a couple of weeks ago at the age of 89. Herb’s name, obviously, is not as well-known as the creation to which he is credited with concocting in 1972. Herb “invented” the Egg McMuffin.

I find it amusing the fact that the newspapers considered an Egg McMuffin an “invention” — I also have my doubts that he was the first person to sandwich his egg onto a toasted muffin with some ham and cheese. I mean, did it take a whole lot of lab work and endless research in the kitchen to come up with that?

Actually, his initial attempts at finding a unique approach to breakfast weren’t as successful. He, apparently, was very discouraged when his deep-fried oatmeal turned out to be a bust. He also championed the doomed “Pop Tarts, fries and a pickle” campaign.

Nonetheless, at the funeral services, Ronald McDonald noted in his heartwarming eulogy that Peterson was like “a McFather” to him. “In all the years before Herb came aboard,” added the big red-head, “I never once had breakfast. My McMommy just stuck me in this clown costume, smeared a lipstick smile on my face and said to go out and get a job.”

In a final tribute, Ronald layed his yellow hand atop the casket and with an extremely salty tear in his eye, looked skyward and whispered, “This is ‘to-go’.”

Other dignitaries at the funeral were the royal couple: Burger King and Dairy Queen.

What amazes me is the fact that Herb actually died. He owned several of the McDonald restaurants in the California area, and I can only assume that he frequented them on a regular basis. So how did he die? He must have had enough preservative in his system to last, at least, another couple hundred of years. What happened?

That’s what gets me about preservatives. If, as claimed, you truly are “what you eat”, then why aren’t we lasting longer? This stuff is not doing as advertised.

A related story comes to mind: When I was very young, a great aunt passed away and I was told that they were going to “embalm” her. I asked my father what that meant. He said that it was a process to preserve the body. I was confused.

“Preserve the body?” I asked. “Isn’t it a little too late for that? Shouldn’t they have thought about that two weeks ago? Duh!” I wasn’t quite sure why they’d take steps to preserve people after they’re already gone. It’s not like they’re going to be showing up someplace in the future.

But back to Herb Peterson. I can only imagine that upon his arrival at the gates of heaven, he smiled with a sense of satisfaction. And staring with admiration at the “real deal” golden archway, he answered St. Peter’s questions about his life on earth.

“Tell me, Mr. Peterson,” St. Peter pried, “did you serve mankind well?”

“I sure did!”

“How well did you serve them, Herb?”

“Let me put it this way,” the die-hard restauranter said, “over 88 billion served!”

And that’s, the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

        

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