Published: May 07, 2008 03:54 pm            

VALLEY: Terns turn bridge plans around

I saw a hyphenated word the other day that I didn’t recognize. I wasn’t sure of its meaning and so I looked it up. The word was: tudam-long.

The dictionary explained: “The length of time it takes for the city of Buffalo or New York state to complete a project.”

Yes, I jest! I’m that sort of fellow. But I bring it up because of the Queen City’s proclivity to have plans for urban development sit on the drawing board for what seems like an eternity. Nothing seems to get accomplished — inaction at its finest. But it’s not necessarily Buffalo’s fault this time.

The latest fiasco is the bridge to Canada. After years of wrangling over a design, a decision was made in 2005. And now, three years later, that design has been deemed unacceptable by the Peace Bridge Authority (or was it the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service or the Federal Highway Administration or maybe, the Office of Environmental Policy and Compliance at the U.S. Interior Department?). I’m not sure — I just know that someone, somewhere pulled the rug from underneath the go-ahead and the whole thing is at a standstill, again.

The concern revolves around birds — terns, to be precise. The risk of birds flying into the dang thing has brought the whole project to its knees. Now, I know that it’s a very sensitive issue and one that I’m not well versed in (I really don’t need any e-mails about migratory routes etc., PLEASE) but there are a few things here that I just can’t buy.

First of all, I want to make it very clear that I love birds (Quite frankly, I’m a sucker for chicken wings. And what hits the spot better than a hot turkey sandwich on a cold autumn day? — remember, no e-mails). But for the life of me, I can’t figure out the reasoning behind the delays or, better yet, why these agencies are raising red flags at such a late hour.

They’re saying that a bird will fly into the towers? A bird is not smart enough to go “Oh-oh, better turn lest I break my neck?” Isn’t this the same creature that dates its ancestry back to the dinosaur? And has survived hundreds of thousands of years — and it can’t get by a tower?

Birds are adaptable! For God’s sake, they’ve even conquered gravity — they can fly. Do you hear me? They can actually fly. But, I’m supposed to believe that they can’t turn when something is in its path? Uh-uh, I’m not buying that baloney for one single second.

If you can fly, you can fly over or around it. The many times I’ve seen birds dodge a car barreling down a highway assures me they can also dodge a stationary object.

There was also concern about fish. What the hell is a fish going to do? Conk its head on the pillars and wipe out its own species? Ain’t gonna buy that one, either. Fish can swim up a waterfall, change color and breathe underwater. They’re survivors, too! You’re not going to convince me that a fish is going to ram his fool self into a concrete footing and go belly-up.

The irony of the situation is the fact that the people calling these shots are probably sitting in an office 103 stories up in the air — about 95 stories higher than the bridge.

I really do love birds and fish. Remember, I jest — I’m that sort of fellow.

And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.