VALLEY: Thanks for asking

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

May 11, 2009 10:28 am

— Before I start today’s article, I’m going to refer to a previous column that I wrote. In it, I mentioned that I was going to ask my actor-nephew, Mark, how he felt about a commercial that stated that the spokespeople were “real people, not actors” to enhance the ad’s credibility. I asked him the difference between himself and a “real” person.
Mark’s response, I thought, was worthy of reporting (plus, I told him I would publish it — even though he could care less).
He said, “We (actors) get paid to pretend we are not who we are — whereas, everyone else is simply volunteering.” That’s page-one psychology, in my book. Thanks, Mark.
And now, I’ve decided to use today’s column to respond to some of the “other” e-mails I’ve received (maybe) over the course of the past year. It’s a good opportunity to share a sampling of the various types of feedback that I receive. And without further ado, it’s off to the mailbag.
Q: When you are writing an article and you use your dog as the person to whom you are conversing, are you discretely making fun of my husband? And if so, is it because he has a large snout and smells like a wad of mangy hair? — Wondering woman
A: DEAR WONDER WOMAN: Yes (to both questions).
Q: If someone like you, who has no idea how to communicate an idea or thought, can get his stuff in the paper, I’m sure I could be very successful. How can I become a published columnist? — Itching to write
A: DEAR ITCHY: I’d love to tell you but I’m not quite sure you’d be able to follow my instructions.
Q: Does your wife ever get upset with the way you write about her? — L. Bobbitt.
A: DEAR LORENA: I’m not sure. But, if she ever speaks to me again, I’ll make it a point to ask her.
Q: On my return trip from the planet Neptune, I had plenty of time to think of questions. Like: Who’s the most aptly named person you ever met? — Izzy N. Sane
A: DEAR IZZY: If we’ve met, you get the nod.
Q: Have you ever thought of answering e-mail questions in a column-format. — Abby Rode
A: DEAR ABBY: I’d never denigrate this column’s high standards by stooping so low.
Q: I’ve been on a committee for several years now. Our goal is to build a bridge between Canada and Buffalo, but I prefer to stay home on our farm and take long rides on our family’s donkey. What do you suggest? — May B. Later
A: DEAR MAYBE: I think it’s time for you to get off your ass and go to work.
And with a nod and wink to readers and writers, that’s the way it looks from the Valley.
Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column runs every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

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