Published: May 21, 2008 03:25 pm            

VALLEY: The search for intelligent life (on earth)

Headline news from various parts of the world ran a parallel course last week as both Great Britain and the Vatican released statements regarding alien life. British officials have decided to release previously classified documents on UFOs and the Vatican has issued a statement explaining that extra-terrestrials and religion can co-exist (on an unrelated matter: I wish they’d also explain why we always have to put the article “the” in front of “Vatican”).

I am assuming the British reason for their move is to head off conspiracy-theorist Mohamed-Al-Fayed — father of the late Dodi Fayed (Dodi, as you may recall, was involved and killed in a car accident with Princess Diana). It’s rumored that Fayed had plans to announce his latest theory that Prince Charles is actually an alien from the planet Bigeardom bent on the destruction of any Arab seen cavorting with a princess (Makes perfect sense to me!).

The Brits (I can call them that because we’re tight!) plan on “showing their hand” by releasing all of the documents they have about alien life and unidentified flying objects to stop Fayed in his tracks, proving that Charles is actually human despite his unearthly appearance even at the risk of exposing Boy George.

“The” Vatican, long thought of as anti-science, has come out and expressed its sentiments about life on other planets. Stating that the Bible was never intended to be a science book, but rather a how-to-book (or as I like to call it: A directionary), a spokesperson noted that if God can create the universe, he can certainly put creatures of His design anywhere.

Personally, I have suspected the church’s clergy of hiding martian antennae under those goofy hats for decades. What’s up with that funny headwear, anyway? My inclination is: If you’re wearing something on your head that would make a Shriner’s hat look normal, then something’s awry!

And since I’m on the topic, I’m going to reveal my encounter with a UFO. My wife and I had been married for only a couple years and were renting a house in the country. She had gone to bed and I was sitting up pounding a few “teas” (I was rather fond of the brown bottle in those days — too fond it — but I’ve since learned to resist the temptation).

It was a warm summer night when I went to the back door to gaze out across the empty field and the bright starry night. And that’s when I saw it! Right smack in front of me, brilliantly glimmering in the sky was something I’d never seen the likes of in my entire life! I had no idea what it was. I swung the door open to get a better look — and off it went.

I was ecstatic — I couldn’t fathom what I had witnessed. But I wished my wife had seen it, too. I went back inside as all the excitement had made me even more thirsty. Half an hour later, I took another look out the backdoor window. I was shocked — it had returned!

“Kathie” I yelled up the stairs. “Wake up! You’ve got to get down here. Quick!”

Thinking the house was on fire or some other doomsday scenario was playing itself out she scampered down the stairs with a dazed look of fright and confusion.

“What’s the matter?” she gasped.

“Look,” I pointed out. “A UFO!”

“A UFO?” she said incredulously. “That’s not a UFO.”

“Really then? What do you think it is?”

“It’s your reflection in the Plexiglas, Galileo.”

Detecting sarcasm, I said, “Then what is that huge glowing thing right there?”

“That’s your nose!”

Still trying to prove her wrong, I asked, “Then why do the lights on it keep going on and off?”

“Because you keep blinking” she said, heading back to bed.

I’ve got a hunch she doesn’t believe Mohamed-Al-Fayed, either.

That’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.