VALLEY: Nine monks and Indiana Jones

July 09, 2008 03:20 pm

— Today’s column is an eclectic gathering of inane minutia that absolutely, positively must be told! (And yes, I realize that “inane minutia” is an excellent case of redundancy.)
Let’s start with an article that I saw several weeks ago in the newspaper.
The headline said: NINE BUDDHIST MONKS DETAINED IN BOMBING.
Now, I don’t know about you but that breaks every preconceived notion that I ever had or had heard about monks. My stereotypical image of a monk is one of a man totally dedicated to a life of peace — a man of servile vows to his order, the church and, of most importance, God. How does a man with such a pacifistic lifestyle go about bombing something?
The article went on to explain that there were no deaths and no damage reported. Well, the “no deaths” is somewhat of a relief. I can assume that there was no intention to harm anyone — somewhat keeping alive my image of a nonviolent lot.
But, “no damage?” How the hell can you bomb something and not cause some kind of damage? What did they use? Water balloons? Maybe, they’re even more peaceful than I gave them credit for.
Next up is from another article that I saw in the paper:
Well-known actor Harrison Ford made a public service announcement about global warming (a topic on every liberals table — and rightfully so, I guess).
In a statement regarding the deforestation of our planet he announces: “Every bit of rain forest that gets ripped out over there,” (wherever “over there” is) “really hurts us over here.” As he says this, he is wincing in obvious pain. He’s in pain because as he speaks he is having his chest hairs ripped out! That’s right — he’s getting a wax job as the cameras roll.
Now that’s a great visual! What a clever technique to demonstrate a point! And it will, obviously, garner attention to the cause that “Indiana Jones” is so adamant about. He should be commended for getting involved in a movement that he truly believes in.
I’ll bet, however, he’s glad that he didn’t join a cause or do a public service announcement in favor of having your pet neutered.
Finally, I got some junk mail the other day that was trying to get me to subscribe to a magazine. The magazine listed all its features and it was so far out of my strike zone that I couldn’t help but laugh.
Topics in the magazine ranged from economic factors in “six different regions of the world” to “thought provoking insights about globalization.” I laugh because I’m as apathetic and stupid as they come (Trust me on that)!
To try and sell me on a subscription because the magazine was “read by many of the world’s key decision-makers” ain’t gonna cut it with me!
Maybe that isn’t a big deal, but to keep sending me these annoying- introductory offers after I’ve refused over and over tells me that they don’t even have good decision makers at their own headquarters.
If they persist on doing this, maybe I’ll make my own key decision. I’ll send some monks over to their offices and have them straighten matters out.
And that’s the way it looks from the Valley.
Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column runs every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

Copyright © 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.