Published: September 25, 2008 11:27 am            

VALLEY: The chef, Gary Coleman and Mr. Peabody

I was watching television the other night when a commercial for Pizza Hut came on. The ad showed a pretentious-looking group dining at what is assumed to be an upper-class restaurant. They were shown commenting on how tasty the pasta dishes were when some guy — standing next to an ersatz Chef Boyardee — announced that the very dishes they were deeming “decadent” were actually made and delivered by Pizza Hut. The reaction is one of gasps, laughter and surprise. I found that amusing.

How strange, I thought, that Pizza Hut would show people reacting flabbergasted that their food was tasty. Is it this company’s belief that the general public, at large, thinks their food sucks? It appears as though the company has an inferiority complex of major proportions.

Perhaps I over-analyze things but that’s my job. Take, for instance, the commercial that I saw with Gary Coleman. In the ad, he was the product’s spokesperson. That’s right, the same Gary Coleman who was in a TV show called “Different Strokes.”

Poor Gary has had some difficulty since his heyday as a sitcom star. He has, by all indications, made some bad choices throughout his adult life (he’s not alone, I confess). But it’s not that he made mistakes and learned from them. There have been numerous stories over the years how he’s squandered considerable amounts of money — time and time again!

A couple of years ago, he made the news while working as a security guard in a parking lot. There’s a 180-degree direction-change in careers if there ever was one. He then actually went on the TV show “Divorce Court” to try and resolve some real-life marital issues. Good idea there!

So, going back to my point: Gary Coleman is doing a commercial. He’s doing a commercial for — get ready for this one — a financial company. There you go. Who better to take advice from about your finances than Gary Coleman? Are they serious? That’s like taking clown lessons from John Wayne Gacy. I don’t think so, my friend. Gary Coleman has lost more money than a drunk at a pickpocket convention. If they don’t mind, I’ll just keep investing my money in lottery tickets. My goal is to win enough to make a significant stock purchase in the 8-track tape business.

And how about the ad for the drug that is supposed to help the guy who has to “go” all the time. The commercial shows a man, of early senior-citizen age, out with his pals; his good time is constantly interrupted by a bladder that, literally, can’t hold water. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m a little uncomfortable with the way this guy is always grinning when he comes out of that public restroom. He seems to be just a little too happy for my liking. If it’s such a problem for him, why is he always beaming like a Cape Cod lighthouse while exiting such a usually nasty-filthy place?

I’m not suggesting anything afoul. But my perspective is that if this guy has a problem, it might be that he’s never home with the missus. He’s always out with the boys — seemingly, having a gay ol’ time: deep-sea fishing, kayaking or biking. This guy has a life that most men would die for. Yet the pharmaceutical company is trying to tell us he has a problem — and that he needs drugs. He doesn’t need drugs; he needs to get down on his knees and thank God for what he’s got.

Now, Gary Coleman? He needs drugs!

That’s the way it looks from the Valley.

Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column runs every Thursday. Write to Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.

        

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