FROM THE VALLEY: Turkeys everywhere we look

Tom Valley

Happy Thanksgiving.

Up in Alaska, two Inuits were out whale hunting in their little boat. The wind picked up and the temperature started to drop quickly. Their whale skin coats did little to protect them from the cold wintry blasts. One of the natives came up with a plan and fumbled for some matches.

He gathered some rope fibers and set them on fire in the middle of the boat. He meticulously nursed it with everything available until a roaring fire was raging on the floor of their small craft. Turning to his friend, he said “Isn't it nice to be warm?!”

Unfortunately, the flames grew out of control and it wasn't long before the boat split in half and started taking on water. As both halves began to sink, the friends said their final goodbyes.

If there is a lesson to be learned from this, it's the fact that … OK, get ready, here it comes … you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Thank you. (Can we please keep the groaning to a minimum. Thanks, again.)

Got time for another before the pumpkin pie is served? Let's get 'er done:

Two rednecks chartered a small plane to take them moose hunting in Canada. At the end of their trip — and having successfully bagged six moose — they were loading up their bounty for the plane ride home. The pilot took one look and told them there was no way that the light aircraft could carry all six moose. “Three at the most,” he explained.

“Gol dang it,” one of the good ol' boys griped, “last year our pilot had the exact same type of plane and we took all six with us.”

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in, let them cram the moose aboard and off they went.

As they got closer to the mountain range, the small plane struggled to ascend with the heavy load and crashed into the woods. Miraculously, the two rednecks survived. Climbing out of the wreckage and surrounded by the dead moose, Billy Bob asked Billy Ray, “Any idea where we are?”

Billy Ray answered, “Ya know what, Billy Bob, I think we're pretty dang close to the same spot we crashed last year.”

As a side note: I believe both were elected to Congress the following year.

Next ...

A game warden caught an unlicensed fisherman in the act. “You're in big trouble,” the officer tells the guy. “The evidence is right here and I'm going to fine you for every single fish you've got in that bucket.”

The hapless fisherman says he can explain. “Look,” he says, "I didn't just catch these fish; they're pets of mine and I simply brought them down for a swim. Every now and then they need to stretch their fins.”

“Oh … really!?” the unconvinced warden says.

“Yup,” the fisherman continues, “and after about a minute, they swim back and jump right into the bucket.”

“Ridiculous,” the warden says, “but … if you can prove that to me, I'll let you go.”

The fisherman nods and proceeds to dump the bucket into the water.

After a few minutes, the game warden says, “Well … where are the fish?”

The guy looks up at the game warden and says “What fish?”

A Thanksgiving reminder: No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, we all have something to be thankful for from some point and time in our lives. With that said here's an oldie that bears repeating.

It was raining hard as a well-to-do gentleman saw an older, less fortunate soul standing outside a bar by a puddle. He was holding a stick with a piece of string on it. “What'cha doing, fella?” he asked.

The old guy looked up and said, “Fishing.”

Feeling a sense of compassion, the gentleman asked the old guy inside to get out of the cold wind, so that he could buy him a drink. Once inside, the well-to-do gent giggled and asked his guest, “How many fish have you caught today?”

The older guy chugged his whiskey, looked at the man and winked, “You're the eighth one so far.”

Gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving.

And that's the way it looks from the Valley. 

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